i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
