Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
