was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
