My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just want nice things and good sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
