Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i drank out of a bidet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
