Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
