tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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