There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
