i don't like sucking hair
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
