You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
