If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
