I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
