so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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