Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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