i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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