i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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