We named our party play list daddy issues
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
