Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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