Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
