Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
