I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
