My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
