Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
