Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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