1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
