I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
