Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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