Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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