sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
