i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
