Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
