Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
