Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
