I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
