Your mouth is God's brothel.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
