Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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