Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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