I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
