Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
