No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
