the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
