I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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