he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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