i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My penis needs a shock collar
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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