I'm lost and stupid without you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
