Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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