What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
