wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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