Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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