Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
