I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
