Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize