My hand turned me down
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
