end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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