I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize