Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
