brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
porn star boner night. come get it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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