I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
