Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
