I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
