Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
