He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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