When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
