if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
