So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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