I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
