I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
