I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
