my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
