If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
