Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
