it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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