im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
