I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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