You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize