Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
